Embracing the Mystery

We have been talking about it alot again.  Just like last year in Chicago.  I am never sure what brings it on.  Maybe, this time,  it’s the middle school girls’ interest and preoccupation with the start of their feminine life?  And babies.  Not sure.  But the wondering and the questions and the conversations just break my heart sometimes. 

 She wonders about her birth parents.  Where they are.  What they look like.  What they do to support themselves.  What they like to do for fun.  And why they left her alone at a bus stop one day.  The answers to those questions are a mystery.  And we are trying to embrace that.

Somewhere in Siberia there are two people who – maybe – fell in love and created a child.  That child is bright, funny, very athletically gifted and loving.   Oh gosh…..is she loving.  She embraces everything that comes her way with a fevor and excitement that is almost excruciating to see.   You wonder how you can stop her from trying anything she wants to try.   She is a ball of non-stop energy.   And you can’t help but wonder about the two beings that created her.   So, I guess I understand her curiosity.

I also know that the answers to those questions might not be the kind of answers that she wants to hear.  We  have talked about that.  We talk about reasons that people might have in choosing not to raise their child themselves.  Our conversations have a lot to do with finances, desperation and maybe  just flat out caring.   About caring more for the well being of your child than what ‘people’ will think.   We have talked about medical reasons.  We have talked about the poverty her Dad and I saw while we were in Siberia to complete her adoption.  We  also talk about the pride we saw in the people we met there.  Their pride in the beautiful child they were trusting us to raise and raise well. 

It doesn’t answer her real questions though.

So this time we talked about the positive things about not knowing.  The ‘fun’ you can have creating your own background in your head.   There was a time when we laughed that our child evolved from a circus family because she loved to tumble and giggle and make people laugh.  And then we were certain she was from a military family because she always marched so easily in that oh so Russian way.   We were also certain they weren’t dancers because of her own aversion to ballet.  She loves hearing about things like that.   So, maybe, in not knowing….she can be anything she wants to be.   She’s still thinking about it.

In the mean time, there are two people in Siberia who created a life and gave us a real gift. 

And that….is no mystery.

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2 Comments on “Embracing the Mystery”

  1. Pam/Wordgirl Says:

    This is such a beautiful, beautiful post.

    Thank you for sharing it with me…

    I’ve been sort of absent from blogland but working my way back…

    XO

    Pam

  2. Mary Says:

    Aw. Hugs to you all.


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